Photos and words  April/May 2017

Nostalgia prefers to come at night to catch me by surprise. I feel it in my chest, it hurts.
Other times it’s lighter, like this morning. Someone shared a photo of their stay in Berlin, I guess it’s an AirBnb. That space so typically Berliner, with wooden floor and double window. That nostalgia feels sweeter. Still sad, though.

I think about Berlin now more than usual because Melbourne is getting colder.
All my life I loved autumn, my favorite time of the year, but living in Berlin is when I learned to enjoy and appreciate winters.

***

Since I moved here I’ve met a lot of people, and had countless conversations. There are some questions that I get a lot, and I’m used to it now. The one that I probably get the most would be why did I decide to come to Australia. The question is fair, yet I wonder and think, do I even need a reason?

I often reply with a simple “I always wanted to come to Australia”, and sometimes try to explain that I used to find the idea of being on the other side of the planet very attractive and exciting. But it’s so much more than that. There are so many reasons. Does anybody have a better answer than a simple and raw “because I want to”? Most of the time I don’t even know why do I want things in the first place. I just know that if I want it, I need to try and go for it.

Maybe my reason for everything is that I’m scared of feeling regret later in life if I don’t try at least to make things happen. And that’s the best reason I have, it’s certainly what made me finally get here.

***

Busy.
I am busy.
You are busy. The whole world is very busy.
How can it be? If we are all a bunch of nobodies, how come we are so “busy” all of the time? I was talking about this with a friend the other day, and we were saying we sound like idiots when we tell someone that we’re “super busy”. Actually, I’ve been trying to avoid saying that word for a while now, because it seems to me that it is losing meaning. It’s just that there are people who tell me that, and I swear sometimes I have to bite my tongue while I cover my mouth with duct tape because otherwise, I will say something like: “but let’s see, your life is super basic and what you call being busy is everyday life. Without that, you would be doing NOTHING. What you call being busy is nothing but adult life. ”
Perhaps that is the problem, that real adults are becoming extinct. We are all a bunch of eternal children, who believe that their lives are super amazing and important.

Maybe instead of busy, we are just full of shit.