One of the first memories I have of the night we arrive is arguing with the cab driver. Once we got to the hotel, while Al was at the reception desk, I started talking with a couple who had been traveling for 10 months. I don’t remember exactly where they were from, I think some country in north Europe. The guy told me he had caught Dengue in Bali.
Our room, of course, shared with a few cockroaches, was quite acceptable considering how cheap it was. There is a constant feeling when traveling, and it is when I get to a new place, the exact moment before opening the door and see the bed where I will sleep. I never have any idea of what I am going to find inside.
Bangkok days are marked by a sense of disorientation. My body was feeling weak, still recovering after being sick. I could barely eat. But that was not the worst part. I had a big concern about the future and the recent uncertainty surrounding it. The future of our trip, but especially our plans for Australia.
It all began a few days before taking the flight to Thailand. One day, one question and everything began to crumble. Suddenly my head was full of more and more questions and there were no answers. I just knew I had to learn to think of future in terms of days and weeks, no further.
It is impossible to explain how I felt. This was not how I had imagined the beginning of our journey, filled with so much worry and fear. I had left everything behind, and I was starting to be afraid thinking that maybe it had all been a big, huge mistake. And at the same time, I was telling myself not to worry, because whatever happened, one way or another I could find my way.
All the time out in the city exploring, those were peaceful moments. It was back in the hotel room, lying in bed when all the questions about the future would come back and I couldn’t breathe. My salvation in those moments was reading. I read a lot.
I know these experiences are good and all that, but I wish I could go back and tell myself “it’s ok, breathe, everything will be fine”.
My journey has been wonderful and I have many good things to share, but I don’t want to tell just the good parts of it. Nothing is perfect. And a journey has both difficult and magic moments.
