New Zealand. November 2016
I don’t understand why sometimes I make such a big deal about things.
It’s not always like that, but at times I can overthink too much the impact of every little decision I make. In the end, I know it doesn’t matter. I just have to keep moving. That’s all. Keep moving, in every sense. Every worry will inevitably stay in the past, and I will regret how I was wasting so much energy and time on it. I only keep the good times.
Sometimes I make moves that feel silly at the moment, making no sense. I think I need to prove myself I can do it, I need to know that I can still find the courage to take a chance and, more important, to see that I can still trust myself, my instinct.
Don’t forget that 2+2=5
Sometimes you doubt. You can’t help it, your brain works night and day making questions, and you just don’t always have the answers. Part of the problem is because growing up you thought one day you would have those answers when really, all you got was a new, bigger pile of questions. It’s fine.
This is your life. You may sometimes forget it when things go down, but you really fucking love your life. You made some real choices, and you are not exactly sure about them all of the time, but there are some moments when you get that very specific, great feeling. The one when you know you’re experiencing something very beautiful, a precious memory that you know you could not treasure if it wasn’t for the sacrifice you made when you gave up the comfort of an easier life. The trick is, no matter what you are doing with your life, you are always gonna be missing on something. You can’t be everywhere, you can’t be with everyone. You are constantly torn between all the things you love from your very weird life, and the things you’re missing back “home”. It’s difficult, it’s important. It’s your life.
This is what you wanted and you know, deep down, if it wasn’t like this, you would still be asking yourself “what if”.
And as for the future, don’t worry, everyone is scared.
Video by Al: