énouement – (n) The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self

Photos from January 2017

I will never forget that day in December, a couple years ago, when I met with my friends Agnes and Juri at a café in Mitte. It was a very important day for me. It’s when I had the discussion with Al about our need for change, and leaving Berlin for good to chase new adventures. I left home knowing the conversation wasn’t over but I was late to meet my friends and I walked towards the U-Bahn station feeling confused with too many thoughts.

I was considerably late, and normally I would have made up some excuse, but not that day. I didn’t have the will. Instead, I decided to be open and share my thoughts and feelings, something I was always scared to do. And when I told them everything, the most wonderful thing happened. They too opened themselves.

I have a very warm and beautiful memory of that cold afternoon. Three women spending their time in a café, with hot drinks, sharing their worries and doubts and expectations about life. Real talk. I realized then, I shouldn’t be scared of being open and real. There’s no point in pretending I’m confident and everything is great all of the time. Because everyone feels a bit lost, and there’s a big chance that if you open yourself to people they will do the same.

Fast forward to January 2017, one of these friends wrote me a long message, opening herself in a way that I can only thank her. Here is something from what I replied that I feel like I was telling myself as well:

“Sometimes we are so very conscious of our problems that we let them play a role in our lives much more important than they should. We need to step back and take a look at the big picture of our life. Just think about how these things will ultimately make you stronger and wiser. Love and respect yourself because you live with this problem and, day after day, you choose to be a good human being. You deserve all the joy in life, and you deserve to have your own dreams. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise because, from all the relationships in your life, the most important is the relationship you have with yourself.”

I’ve been reading all our past emails and messages from when I was still in Berlin, and I just want to thank the universe for girlfriends. Something that as I grow older, I value more and more.