Photos-diaries from November/December 2017

 

“My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!”

 

I haven’t been working so much on my own creative projects this past year. Trying to figure out why, I came to the conclusion that now I overthink and critic what I do maybe a little too much. I think that’s good to a certain level because it makes me learn and push myself into being better. But it’s killing the fun of it.

I remember how much I used to love and enjoy the process. My work was not the best but I used to find so much joy doing it. It really made me happy. Now its harder. I just think too much instead of going with the feeling. It makes hard for me to actually want to spend time creating. I need to find a balance because I hate to feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.

*

I took some self-portraits and I thought they represented perfectly the feeling I had. I see myself grown, and I have a vision of a 60-year-old me, very wrinkled.. taking self-portraits covered in stickers and little flowers. That’s how I want to be when I grow up. I will still be doing as I please.
I have a nice thought. The idea that I like to be the way I am. That I do not care if others criticize me for doing things that some will find silly or don’t correspond to my age. But I do not care about age. To hell with this obsession. Not only we must do what we want, but WHEN we want it. Time is everything.

Aging is beautiful. I feel in it the freedom I couldn’t seem to find years ago. With time I came to understand something very important, which is that nothing matters, nothing will make sense if I don’t like me. A relationship with one’s self is everything. Paying attention to my feelings and hopes, so I have goals to work towards to. Learning from past experiences, both good and bad. Allowing space for mistakes. It can be difficult to focus on one’s own voice with so much noise around, and so many rules. But knowing myself gives me a great peace of mind because it makes things in life easier, like making choices.

I mean, I can run away from many things, but not from myself. So if I don’t like who I am and my life, I’m screwed. I need to be someone who I want to be with, rather than someone who fills other people’s ideas or expectations of what I should be.. or want.

And I know this now, but not 10 years ago. That’s the coolest thing about growing up. You get to learn that the world is not always right, that time will tell, and that nobody can say what’s good for you.

*

Last day of the year. Time to reflect… Or not. I’m feeling great.
Positive balance, definitely. I’m very excited about what’s next in 2018. Good Vibrations.
Bye-bye 2017. You’ve been quite alright!!