Diaries June – September 2018

“… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…“

In tears, waiting for the song to end.  
It takes me back to simpler times. Now bittersweet memories. 
All these years anticipating loss, as well as the guilt I knew would come with it.

You hide your pain for fear of scaring everyone away.

I always focused on all I was heading towards. Living life like an adventure. Never looked back to what I was saying goodbye.
I have no regrets, everything was worth it. It just hurts. And it’s a beautiful kind of heartache. Because really, your heart can only break over something truly good.

You need to leave something behind to keep moving forward.

It can be your home, your comfort, your dog, or the bitterness and fear of past traumas.
Whatever it takes, I don’t want to miss on life.
I rather have my heart break over and over than miss out on the most lovely things, the ones that make life beautiful. Anything worth living comes at a cost, a little sacrifice. And if you are afraid just remember, it is better to look back at a life full of mistakes than one filled with missed chances. Don’t take the safe path.

“- But what does that mean?
– It means your future hasn’t been written yet. No one’s has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you.
-We will, Doc.”

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create week men, week men create hard times. “